You know what news like that means: it’s expo day.  Yes, that’s right folks--Wednesday means that they’ve opened up the expo floor.  The nuts are running the asylum now.

Demonstration Crysis

Let’s start with this: no one can run Crysis.  It just can’t be done.  No matter how good you think your hardware is, no matter how “leet” your graphics card, if today proved one thing it was, it doesn’t matter, Crysis will stomp you all.  Every booth that was demoing hardware had Crysis running and nobody could handle it.  Nvidia came close, IBM made the foolish mistake of trying to run Crysis on a laptop, several of the audio companies didn’t even seem to be really trying (I saw one that was pretty much reduced to a flipbook, but nobody was at that booth anyway).

So who came out on top in the Crysis performance war?  I guess I’d have to go with Crytek.  I don’t know what kind of super alien machine you guys are running, but man do you know how to make your own game sing…

Brainware

I’ve failed you all.  I couldn’t get my grubby paws (hair?) on an Emotiv brand brain wave controller.

What is an Emotiv brand brain wave controller you ask?  Why it’s…um…a thing.  I asked this question to a fellow journalist and got the response, “It’s an inert husk that looks sort of like a face hugger but you wear it like a toupee.”  The device is supposed to be an input device that reads brainwaves and turns them into usable data. Unfortunately, I’ve heard the unveiling was somewhat of a disaster (I wasn’t actually there--this is all bias based on hearsay).  I had another journalist say to me “Three hundred dollars is an awfully steep price to pay for a very silly looking hat”.

On the up side, the device is supposed to work without all the messy goo associated with electroencephalograms.

Oh wait, I have to go back to the Emotiv booth, I’m told they have a bridge to sell me…

Warp 2…N-Gage!

For a moment I thought I had fainted and gone back to 2003, for there in front of me was an enormous banner for the Nokia N-Gage.  But no, long gone is our favorite taco phone, now the N-Gage is some sort of game distribution platform.  Will it work?  Only if they bring back Pocket Kingdom…

Lower Education

I am – and have always been – a strong proponent of the academic side of the games community.  But come on: don’t advertise for professors on the back of a flyer.

This year the expo floor was flooded with universities trying to attract students, attract professors or reach out into the industry.  Some of the booths were classy, some exuded technical excellence, some looked like gypsy tents and other’s screamed “scam” about as loudly as you could without a megaphone.

I’m not going to name any names, but here’s a hint for let’s say Complete Spinnaker.  Giving your students bright red bowling jerseys doesn’t necessarily make them more hirable.

IGF

The independent games festival is the one unequivocally great thing about the expo floor.  Every game there deserves a look.  I wish I had a whole day just to browse through it.

TREES!

I love you Speed Tree.  I want to have like 10,000 of your leafy babies.

Conclusion

I could go on forever, but why, you’d rather hear about the Sony Block Party. Well too bad, I’m going to sleep.

See the DASTARDLY DEVELOPMENT DIARIES DAY ONE and TWO.

James Portnow is a rake, a ne’er-do-well and a vagarious designer currently fed by the generous largess of Activision.